Safari Adventure

John came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his
friend Mark, and told him of his adventures.

"I was out in the jungle," he said, "when all of a sudden I heard a
noise in the bush behind me. Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking
his chops, and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I
started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost
at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit. The lion started
gaining on me, and as he got
closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away,
and made towards it. As I got close to the house, the lion was almost on
top of me, when he slipped for a third time. With the very last bit of
strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion's face."

"That's some story there, John, I would have messed my pants."

"Well, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LION KEPT SLIPPING ON...???"

Smarter than the Principal?

What Starts with 'F' and Ends with 'K'

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9!"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36!"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs!"

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets!

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants!"

Ms. Brooks: "What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: "Coconut!"

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replies, "Bubble gum!"

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands!"

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck!"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and immediately instructs the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong....."

What a drawing.

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. Miss Baker saw the
fly sitting on the notebook and slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't
fly away. So she slammed the log once again, again the fly didn't fly
away.
This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the log with
the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets
of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened.

Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what
your son did to our class grade book?" she said.

"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked
woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out
of my d|cK."

I II III IV V ??

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in
boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he
returned for more.

"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?"
I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back four more
times tonight too."

A Collect Call

A customer sent in an order to a distributor for a big amount of goods
totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship
your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone
call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

Best Quote of 2006

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.
--Comedian Chris Rock

A Boss is

Want to register Domain Names? First Rule, not to follow these companies....

All of these are companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear - and be misread...

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
   www.whorepresents.com/
   
   
2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at
   www.expertsexchange.com/
   
   
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
   www.penisland.net/
   
   
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
   www.therapistfinder.com/
   
   
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
   www.powergenitalia.com/
   
   
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
   www.molestationnursery.com/
   
   
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there?s always
   www.ipanywhere.com/
   
   
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
   www.cummingfirst.com/
   
   
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
   www.speedofart.com/

My OFM Season Finale

well, another season has done. I have had a great season. I am so happy that I won the championship as well as getting 100 points for the first time.. Happy because I started with Target goal 16th Sunderland. Felt so good.



When I start the season, my total value of my squad is like 50million worth, but I finally ended up with 282million squad, it could have gone over 300 million, but i sold my 107 attack striker who was worth 47 million to super fast snatcher in the league, he bought my banned player at 47+ millions and couldn't play a single game when season ends today LOL, thanks to him :P

Another thing I am so happy about, I broke my all previous records at the "Total Money Paid for Player Transfers" with over 662million pounds, as well as "Total Money Received for Player Transfer" at over 613 million pounds.

I enjoy very much throughout the season and it's just so awesome i achieved alot of things this season, actually almost everything except the league cup..

I bought absolutely fantastic players and sold some of them, just to juggle teams below me LOL..

anyway, it's been awesome season.. and I loved it.. It was fun to play OFM football manager and I am loving it..

thanks for reading..

Good news and Bad News

A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some
distance one of the engines broke down.

"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train
came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the
passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following
announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad
news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for
some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane.

Championship Manager

today, i became the champion on onlinefootballmanager.co.uk fantasy online game.
thanks everyone for visiting my blog and share my joy with me..

thanks for viewing..

my next ambition is to get 100 points in a single season, it could be done if i win the remaining 3 matches of this season, so wish me luck!!!!

Bowl of Chili

A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile.

The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili
bowl is still full.

He says, "Are you going to eat that?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."

He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his
fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes
the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

My Week 33 Squad

This is my week 33 squad at the moment, I feel very confident with my team at the moment, I am really loving it.. the league is okay, the team is doing well. the players are superb. just wanted to share this great squad with you, i actually sold Robinho and bought Gilardino and Franck Ribery. and then, i added Jankulovski from AC Milan.. I am planning to add some more cool players before the season is ended.

My Online Football Manager Fantasy Game

Well, this is another mile stone I have just completed today, I bought more than 500 million pounds for players transfer. I cannot even believe myself.. after 33 weeks, I have achieved this. hopefully, i can reach to 600 million before the season ends.


Tomorrow, i will be meeting mighty Bolton Wanderers, the manager is awesome, without even tickets, he managed to play at very high level of football and now stands at 3rd in the league.. first meeting, i won at his home, so, i think he might use training camp to me tomorrow since I got many training camps this season.. LOL

wish me luck

Men Personal Ad Terms and What They Really Mean

40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not
interested
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror
admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on
Easter Sunday
Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer

Women Personal Ad Terms and What They Really Mean

40-ish.................. 48
Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic................ Flat-chested
Average looking......... Ugly
Beautiful............... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin
Educated................ College dropout
Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
Free spirit............. Substance user
Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun..................... Annoying
Gentle.................. Comatose
Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................ Loud
Passionate.............. Loud
Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional............ Real Witch
Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.............. Very Fat
Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart.......... Toothless crone