9 Words Women Use

1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8 . Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Silly, Funny This is ME.

Maung Ba bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is Nokia 6610'

============================================
Maung Ba : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Maung Ba: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

============================================
Maung Ba : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Maung Ba : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

============================================
Maung Ba : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Maung Ba : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

============================================
Maung Ba : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Maung Ba : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh, GOD! You have come again.

============================================
Maung Ba complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "Why, the thief did not take TV?"
Maung Ba : 'I was watching TV news."

============================================
Maung Ba comes back to his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole, "Thanks for compliment."

============================================
How do you recognize Maung Ba in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

============================================
Once Maung Ba was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

============================================
Maung Ba in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

============================================
Maung Ba : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Maung Ba - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

============================================
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Maung Ba : The future tense is 'you will go to jail'

============================================
Maung Ba told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Maung Ba : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

My Online Football Manager Fantasy Game

Well, today, i felt so good with my fantasy game, it's been a fantastic season for me so far, but i need to keep it going this way until the season ends. I just wanted to share with you all for my scoreboard, current standing, current squad and my transactions.

So, here is my current scoreboard for the season so far, I lost once on New Castle at home (stupid not to use training camp when New Castle used it). and One to liverpool in CUP on overtime, fantastic game too, but I can't match their quality of players.


So, next week will be my 29th week, against READING FC.. hopefully, i can snatch a win at home too.. below is my current standing I am very proud of...




Please check out my current squad.. it's fantastic, I had to sell Alan Hutton and Robinho because I don't feel they are improving very much and I wanted better players.. so, I sold them at 2.5 times and both guys were sold within 12 hours LOL..

This is one of the happiest stuff i wanna share with.. in 28 weeks, I sold 433 millions for players and bought 441 millions for players for my team.. I am just trying to exceed 500 millions spent for players, but now if lucky, I can go over 600 millions.. of course, I will keep trying..


Thanks for reading folks, that's all there is for today....

cheers

My Today's Table

Today standing from Online Football Manager site.

Tomorrow, I am meeting Manchester United and they just sent me a message that training camp has been used... so, wish me LUCK.....

English English

Would a carrot make a car rot?
Are there car pets in carpets?
Do you need to wear a red dress for a redress?
There's just ice in justice when it is served.
Don't poop on the Grey Poupon.

This week standing and squad

it's been a week I haven't updated my blog.. because It wasnt' much of news lately.. but last weekend, i signed a few great players such as Patrick Vieria and Robinho.. so, I just wanted to share my current standing and squad with you all..


So, here they are... :)

Luckily, I was able to buy Lucio from Bayern Munich... at pretty cheap price, I put him on transfer list for a couple of days LOL and nobody bought it, at least, got him at around 22mil..

so, here's my updated squad..

Joy To The World

Today, a win against Derby took me top of the table in my league.. So so happy because this is the first time I have ever reached top of the table..

Just wanted to share with you all.. :)

After 11 days..in OFM

My Current Lineup after 11 weeks of play.. quite happy with the squad at the moment.

Major Signings.

Fletcher from Manchester United
Zapata from Udinese
Miera from VfB Stuttgart
Carlos Alberto from São Paulo
Hutton from Tottenham Hotspur
Kurtulus from Besiktas
Giovanni from Barcelona &
Lahm from FC Bayern München


sweet..

Super Thinking

Greg and his two friends are talking at
the bar one day. His friend John says,
"Guys, I think my wife is having an affair
with the electrician. I came home the
other day and found wire cutters under
our bed and they weren't mine."
His friend Sean said, "Well I think my
wife is having an affair with the
plumber. I came home the other day
and found a wrench under our bed and
it wasn't mine."
Greg said, "I think my wife is having an
affair with a horse." Both of his friends
just stared at him.

"I'm serious!" he said. "The other day I
came home and found a jockey under
our bed!"

If Only!!!

-If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.


-If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.


-If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.


-If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.


-If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.


-If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.


-If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to
marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.


-If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

Computer Geeks

Two computer science students met on campus one day.
The first student called out to the other, "Hey, nice bike!
Where did you get it?"

"Well," replied the other, "I was walking to class the
other day when this pretty, young co-ed rode up on this bike.
She jumped off, took off all of her clothes, and said,
"You can have ANYTHING you want!"

"Good choice," said the first. "Her clothes wouldn't
have fit you anyway."

What A Small World!!!!!

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there
are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball
everywhere but where it's supposed to go.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play
through?" The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes
back. The first guy says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress."

The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over."
He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, "What's wrong?"

The first guy says, "Small world!"

Why The Heck Would I ???

A blonde and a brunette were talking, and the blonde was
very stressed. The brunette asked her what was the matter.
The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to
sell her car, but no one would buy because it has 100,000
miles on it.

The brunette said to her, "I know a way that will help you
sell it. I have a friend who can help you, but it's illegal."

The blonde said, " I'll do anything." So the brunette gave the
blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer
on her car. A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed
paths, and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car
yet.

The blonde said, "Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles on it?!"

Today's Scoreboard

Gotta be pretty happy with today's result on OFM.. oh by the way, I am currently playing Sunderland and was against Arsenal today. :)

Just Remember

When you have a 'I Hate My Job' day, [even if retired you have those
sometimes] try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors,
draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be
disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will
notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally
tested and then sanitized.'

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &
Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

Current Result

My current results... thanks for all who suggested me tactics and strategies.. LOL

Gratz Gratz Gratz

Congratulations..

You made it.. :)

Weird???

This is the print screen from my OFM game.. LOL..

it's quite cool, so i had to post this.

Quick Thinking

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man
came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that
they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did
not need a whole head, only a half. The boy explained that he would have
to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and said, "There
is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."

As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing
right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman wants to buy
the other half".

The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on
the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of
trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out
of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are
you from son?"

The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir".

"Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager.

The boy replied, "They're all just hookers and hockey players up
there."

"My wife is from Minnesota!"

The boy replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"

Vocal Puzzles

Vocal Puzzles

Solve the puzzles by saying them out loud, over and over, faster and
faster, repeating the phrase, until you "hear" the answer. Example: LAWN
SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles Have fun trying..... Don't
cheat:

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)
2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)
3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)
4. MOW BEAD HICK(book)
5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)
6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)
7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)
8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)
9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)
10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)
11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (person)
12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)
13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (fictional character)
14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (movie)
15. BUCK SPUN HE (fictional character)

Answers given below





























ANSWERS TO VOCAL PUZZLES

1. Jacques Cousteau
2. Santa Claus
3. Michael Jordan
4. Moby Dick
5. Thomas Jefferson
6. Chiquita Banana
7. The Titanic
8. I love you
9. The Brady Bunch
10. Christopher Columbus
11. Doctor Seuss
12. The Milky Way Galaxy
13. Agent 007
14. The Sound of Music
15. Bugs Bunny

6 shots or else..

After Taste



A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?"
the bartender inquires.

"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

"6 shots! Are you celebrating something?"

"Yeah, my first blowjob."

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, Nothing
will."